There are times in my life when I feel more alone and helpless then ever, even if I know that not to be true, we are our worst enemies in that sense. The day was beautiful and bright, warm, everything that would make a great day but somehow it fell apart. I really don't understand today that well.
I am lacking the motivation in life to do things and that is causing a problem all around. I need some motivation something to spark that fire in my soul again. I guess it is life when I lose my motivation because everyone does. Is it full depression? I think not, though all I want to do is sleep. That could be just me being sick too. Or it could be me wanting more in my life and that longing is finally getting to me at a level that I cannot handle. It is amazing how life can throw some crazy days at you hu?
I know that I am doing just fine but I am in need of some serenity in life, some completion, love, energy. I am sitting here writing this instead of studying for a test that I missed on Monday because I was sick yet I just cannot get myself to study. I think that is normal. I hope it is. I have started reading the essence of happiness by HHDL and it had some amazing things to think about. Is it really that hard to be happy in life that there have to be books on how to be happy? how sad is that? life sure tests us in crazy ways.
There are so many things that I want to do with life and it is so hard for me to wait because, those of you that know me I want it done now I want to be doing those things whatever they may be. I feel incomplete somehow, empty to a level and I really don't know why. I push these feelings onto other people and of course this causes problems.
Anyway I will stop this, please send me good ju ju, I need it right now.
Thanks for listening.
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Location:Monterey, CA
